Tell Me About Your Relationship with Anger, and I Will Predict the Intensity of Your Anxiety
Many of us were taught that anger is bad, dangerous, or something to be avoided. Maybe you grew up in a home where anger led to chaos, or perhaps you learned early on that expressing frustration made you “too much” for others. If your nervous system has learned to shut down anger, chances are your anxiety levels run high.
Why? Because Anger Is a Boundary-Setting Emotion
Anger is a natural, adaptive response that helps us recognize when something isn’t right. It signals that a boundary has been crossed and gives us the energy to take action—whether that’s saying no, standing up for ourselves, or making a change. When anger is suppressed, the nervous system has to find another way to cope with threat or discomfort. For many people, that way is anxiety.
The Nervous System’s Role in Anxiety
Your nervous system is designed to protect you. When anger isn’t an available response—because you’ve learned it’s not safe or acceptable—it doesn’t mean the threat disappears. Instead, your system may shift into anxiety, hypervigilance, or self-doubt. Here’s how that works:
Fight mode is off-limits → If you’ve been conditioned to believe anger is bad, you won’t trust yourself to assert boundaries.
Flight mode takes over → Without access to healthy anger, your system may become stuck in a state of anxious avoidance, constantly scanning for danger but feeling powerless to act.
Freeze and fawn responses increase → You may feel overwhelmed and shut down (freeze) or over-accommodate others at the expense of your own needs (fawn).
The more your system overrides anger, the more anxiety builds because your body still perceives a threat but doesn’t have a clear way to respond.
The Connection Between Suppressed Anger and Self-Doubt
When anger is dismissed or ignored, your ability to trust yourself diminishes. Over time, you might:
Struggle to recognize what you truly need
Second-guess yourself in relationships
Feel like you’re always “on edge” without knowing why
This is why working with anger—reconnecting with it in a safe, embodied way—is a key part of reducing anxiety. It’s not about being explosive or reactive; it’s about reclaiming your right to feel, to set limits, and to trust your own instincts.
Healing: Learning to Befriend Anger
If you notice anxiety showing up where anger should be, start by getting curious.
How do you feel when others express anger?
Do you allow yourself to feel angry, or do you shut it down?
What messages did you receive about anger growing up?
Regulating your nervous system through somatic work, therapy, or practices like the Safe and Sound Protocol can help you build tolerance for anger without fear. As you do, anxiety often begins to settle—because when your body knows it can protect itself, it no longer has to stay on high alert.
Anger is not the enemy. It’s an ally waiting to help you step into your power.
