STOP Reading About Boundary Setting!
I know, ironic, right? You're reading yet another blog about boundaries, probably hoping for that one perfect script or strategy that will finally make setting boundaries feel natural. But here’s the thing—if you grew up in a household where boundaries weren’t respected, or worse, where they led to conflict, punishment, or withdrawal of love, then reading alone isn’t going to rewire your nervous system.
Because for many of us with childhood trauma, setting boundaries isn’t just about knowing what to say—it’s about how our body reacts when we try to say it.
Why Boundaries Feel Impossible When You Have a Fawn Response
If you tend to default to people-pleasing (aka the fawn response), then setting a boundary might not just feel hard—it can feel dangerous. Your nervous system may associate keeping people happy with staying safe. So when you try to say “No” or ask for what you need, your body might react as if you’re walking into a life-threatening situation:
Your heart races.
Your throat tightens.
Your mind floods with guilt, fear, or the overwhelming urge to backtrack.
And if you push through and set the boundary anyway? The anxiety can feel unbearable, making you wonder, Was this even worth it?
Why Somatic Work Matters for Boundaries
This is why you can’t just think your way into better boundaries. You have to work with your physiology. Somatic (body-based) approaches help you:
Regulate your nervous system so setting a boundary doesn’t feel like an emergency.
Increase your capacity to tolerate discomfort without immediately retreating into fawning or appeasing.
Practice boundaries in small, embodied ways so they become less overwhelming over time.
For example, before having a hard conversation, you might:
✅ Take a few deep, slow breaths to signal safety to your body.
✅ Press your feet into the ground to feel more stable.
✅ Place a hand on your heart or belly to offer yourself reassurance.
✅ Practice saying a boundary out loud in a way that feels empowering rather than apologetic.
The Balance: Learning + Embodiment
So yes, keep reading about boundaries—because insight does matter. If no one ever taught you what healthy boundaries look like, then learning about them is essential. But don’t stop there. Work with your body, not against it. Otherwise, setting boundaries might always feel like a battle you’re losing.
If this resonates with you, know that healing is possible. You don’t have to stay stuck in old survival patterns. With practice, support, and somatic work, boundaries can start to feel less like a threat—and more like an act of self-respect.
